January 16, 2003

Grizzled Ancients Schlep to Victory

As posted on BungieNet, once again, the Grizzled Ancients were able to keep their gnarled, arthritic hands on the championship title in the Bungie Pentathlon. Although the field arrayed against them was formidable, they managed to limp to victory past the incontinent Old Schoolers, the confused Middle Schoolers, and the diapered Bungie Newbies.

In other words, no one lost their job.

This reporter personally finds this news almost unbelievable and would like to see proof. Unfortunately, our paparazzi, Michelino, recently suffered a fractured wrist from lifting an Xbox controller and could not attend the event. Any brave souls who are willing to step forward and produce photographs will be paid our going rate.

For those that are interested, here is the line-up of the different teams:

Grizzled Ancients
Jones, Jason G.
Zartman, Douglas
Soell, Matthew D.
McLees, Robert J.
Evans, George Michael
Lehto, Marcus R.
Hoberman, Max
Dunn, David P.
Hylland, Ryan D.
Ramirez, Juan B.
Gough, Charles E.
Settles, Robert H.
Clift, Paul S.
Chu, Hamilton
Wang, Shi Kai
Russel, Paul H.
Staten, Joseph M.

Old School
Griesemer, Jaime L.
McLees, Lorraine R.
Wallace, Benjamin S.
Sinclair, Stefan C.
Barrett, Christopher G.
Okasaki, Stephen K.
Butcher, Christopher CJ
Lee, Christian Y.
Bertone, Paul
O'Donnell, Martin
Freidin, Bernie A.
Creamer, Curtis L.
Kimmich, Jon
Wu, Michael H.
McKenzie, Eamon P.

Middle School
Candland, David R.
Noguchi, Matthew S.
Fowler, Steve
Major, Robert Jason
Gioconda, Thomas G.
Arroyo, Eric J.
Cody, Michael J.
Russell, Zachary L.
Ryan, Harold
Green, Tyson JS
Timmins, Luke W.
Wolfson, Roger D.
Perez, Adrian M.
Snook, Gregory N.
Hoffman, Timothy J.
Weinland, Jay C.

Newbies
Carney, Christopher P.
O'Brien, William D.
Easley, Judah Joy
Isla, Damian A.
Polak, James T.
Walpole, Nathan R.
Horowitz, Daniel P.
Smith, Eddie L.
Hayward, Justin E.
Davis, Brian
Bastien, Michel
Boyce, Doug
Parsons, Pete
Moulder, Stuart
Stokes, Rob
Jarrard, Brian
Capezzuto, Frank
Butkus, John

Posted by poenadare at January 16, 2003 10:07 PM
Comments

Our going rate, btw, is a dry hearty handshake and a partially eaten Slim-Jim.

Posted by: poena.dare #CP# on January 16, 2003 10:45 PM

Heh, there's a list for you. I thought Doug Zartman wasn't Bungie anymore. Last I heard he was working in Microsoft's Marketing division or something.

Posted by: Ghôlsbane on January 18, 2003 8:17 AM

I think Bungie is showing a little flexibility. Doug may not officially be part of Bungie, but he's a part of the family.

Posted by: Miguel on January 18, 2003 11:17 AM

Hey! Where'd Peter go? Was he not at the event, or has he "moved on"?

Posted by: mnemesis on January 21, 2003 11:27 PM

Stacker? No I think he's still with Bungie. Probably just couldn't make it or something.

Posted by: Ghôlsbane on January 22, 2003 11:11 AM

No, Peter Marks (mordia). Last I heard he had moved from the Online team to the Phoenix team (when the Phoenix team was called the Phoenix team and not the Team Formerly Known as the Phoenix Team).

Posted by: mnemesis on January 22, 2003 2:16 PM

Yikes! I just heard from Matt that Peter isn't with Bungie anymore. Peter, if you're out there somewhere, good luck! :-)

Posted by: mnemesis on January 22, 2003 2:46 PM

These were listed by hire date. As you can see, the old school suffered a tremendous blow with their arbitrary and premature player cutoff. ;o)

Posted by: Evil Otto on January 22, 2003 5:04 PM

Jumpin' Jehosophat! You should be happy that you know what 'arbitrary and premature player cutoff' means... the Grizzled Ancients obviously haven't seen the good lovin' of a curvaceous grunt in many a day.

Posted by: poena.dare #CP# on January 22, 2003 5:15 PM

And who the heck are all these Newbies?!? You can't drink THAT much coffee.

Btw, when are you gonna get that webcam fixed? We've got to keep an eye on you, you know. ;-)

Posted by: mnemesis on January 22, 2003 5:39 PM
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